Working out tips

You should stop working out.  Exercise makes you have to eat more.  Eating more takes away time from gaming.  Thus, less exercise = less eating = more gaming time.

Parental life hack #1

What you do is give up your kid for adoption at birth.  This way you avoid all the messy and crying years.  Then, you re-adopt your child back at age 15 when someone else has already done the bulk of the real parenting for you.

Setting up for improvement

What you do is set the bar really really low the first week by having some major screw up at work (either accidentally or on purpose).  If you do it on purpose it should probably look like an accident.  Then everything you do after the fact will look like a drastic improvement compared to your little snafu.

Getting !@#$ed

You should try to get !@#$ed every day!  It relieves stress and makes everything more awesome.

Bathroom Tips #2

Make sure you go number 2 at work.  Where else can you get paid to poop!?  Also, the TP is free at work.