Fist Fights

If you know you are going to get in a fight ahead of time be sure to rub habanero pepper all over your cheeks.  This way even if you lose the fight, when the person who hits you rubs their eyes or touches their own facial wounds later they will experience the fiery burn of revenge.

Repentance

Live your life however you want committing all of the seven sins.  Be greedy and take from others, be envious of those that have more than you, etc.  Then at "the end" all you have to do is repent and you will be forgiven.  Maybe all those cats on wall street figured they could have it work out this way.  Too bad the court system doesn't allow you to just repent.

Faking Conversation

Memorize a few buzz words for all the major sports.  This way when people are talking about sports you can drop a few words in here and there so that no one will question your awesomeness.  The easiest way of course to do this is to actually play some sports video games.  Just another excuse to play some games.

Taking advantage of the little guy

Form an internet company that profits from the advertisements that other people post on their website.  Then once they start to make real money close their account and take all their profits.  Design the account recovery process to be extremely complex and time consuming so you can sit and make money on the interest accrued.

This post brought to you by AdSense.

Bringing down the House

Learn to count cards, then shave your head.  Go to a casino and win lots of money; eventually they will ban you from the casino.  Return to the casino once you have grown back all your hair, and in a completely different wardrobe.  Repeat your process of winning lots of money with your new “identity”.

City planning

When planning a city plant trees in front of all your stop signs and red lights. Then make sure you get 10 percent as the city planner of all tickets given. This one was inspired by my visit to Boston it has some great foliage and some awful signage.

Keeping your stuff in the right location

If you keep anything that is a pitcher or resembles a pitcher in your office be sure to label it with your name.  This way when the office happy hour happens no one will take it home to use for their own personal benefit.