Bad christmas gifts

If you are going somewhere that is notorious for bad christmas gifts, be sure to fly. Then bring only a small carry on bag and inform everyone ahead of time that you won't have any space to bring things home. No more terrible christmas sweaters from grandma.

Super Soakers

Buy real guns instead of super soakers.  You don't have to pump (most) real guns.  Plus people don't shoot back when you use a real gun.

Start up

Start a company that is a non profit that people would contribute money towards. Then issue refund checks that are mailed in envelopes that look like spam. Most people will tear up or throw away their checks and you will have a nice profit to pay your employees i.e. yourself.

Sign at the dotted line

Start a business that requires a release waiver.  Put all the important information in really small print so that it looks like the dotted line at the bottom of the page.  You can get them to sign over anything you want.

Shifting blame

Tell someone you will be available for meetings to set up a project. Then on the morning of the meeting tell them you are out of the office until the day before the deadline. This way you know the project will miss the deadline and you can absolve yourself of responsibility because you were out of the office.

Software Customer

Hire a company to write software for you.  Then don't respond to emails, phone calls, or show up to meetings.  Then when the project runs long proceed to blame them for all the shortcomings.   As long as your position is high enough in your company no one will question that it is the contractor's fault.

Leaning Back

Wear multiple hats (most particularly cowboy hats) stacked on top of each other when flying on an airplane.  Anyone who is on a cross country or overseas flight will not want to sit behind you.  This way you can lean your chair back without getting kicked constantly, prepare for a nice peaceful sleep.